Goodnight Phuket: YOU'VE BEEN IN THAILAND TOO LONG WHEN....

Adapted from a thread on the ThaiVisa.com forums:

You Know You've Been In Thailand Too Long When...

You keep a roll of toilet paper on your dinner table

You can no longer string a full sentence of English words together ... "Where go now?"

You think it's okay to invite three guests at a time even though you only have one guest bedroom

You no longer are surprised to see a family of five riding on one motorbike and the dog riding pillion

The footprints on the toilet seat are your own

You don't notice the cleaning lady in the public toilets scrubbing the next urinal while you take a pee

You use Thai tonal pronunciation on English words even to other farangs, "I from AmareeKAH"

It's perfectly acceptable to drive on the wrong side of the street

You decline to wear a motorbike helmet because it will mess up your hair

You have a pinky fingernail an inch long

It's exciting to see if you can get into the elevator before anyone else can get out

It's just part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes you something completely different

When shopping at the supermarket, a farang stares you down when he catches you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what farangs eat

You are not surprised when three men show up to change a lightbulb

You are careful to cover your mouth when picking your teeth, but openly pick your nose at the dinner table

You eat bugs and tell yourself they are nutritious and have alot of protein

You tell yourself that paying bribes to the police is acceptible behavior

You side with the locals when watching a street brawl

Rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner doesn't faze you

You duck your head automatically when you pass in front of someone

You accept ice in your beer

You can go for weeks without toilet paper

You pat scabby dogs on the head

Your wife/girlfriend asks if you would like to go out for a beer and you reply "Up to you"

Your dog or cat lives somewhere down the street

You think the knee is the best part of the chicken

"Sexpats", "Pirates", "Yellow Fever" and "Rice Queens" are part of your vocabulary

You think brown-nosing is a commendable trait

You turn off the news and switch to the gossip channel because you think it's more relevant

You think a 30-year car loan is normal

You are no longer bothered by the traffic as everybody drives like that

You sit on the floor eating cold food off a plastic plate, drinking Sam Song while watching Channel 7 at full volume on the TV after midnight

Hearing "Mai Dai" ["cannot"] for the 300th time in a day doesn't bother you

It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at meeting time is the venue of the next meeeting

You no longer wonder how a civil servant earning USD $400 a month can afford to drive a Mercedes

You'd rather SMS someone than meeting them in person

You go up to a fat bloke you have never met and ask "how many babies?" while patting him on the gut

You look both ways when crossing a one way street

You're comfortable peeing in a room full of girls putting on makeup

You have 20 bottles of sauce in the fridge and not one is ketchup

Listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller

You gather up all your plastic bottles, old shopping bags, and burn them in the back yard

You invite the wife out for a romantic dinner and the entire village comes along

You accept the straw and plastic bag along with your purchased can of beer from the 7-Eleven

You stop thinking that a girl riding pillion on a motorbike, side-saddle, wearing a mini-skirt, with one toe pointing to the ground, while putting on make-up, is anything out of the ordinary

Farang tourists come up to you and ask you directions

On one of your rare visits to Farangland, you can't figure out why people on the street don't not smile at you when you make eye contact

You don't mind buying your medicine in a pharmacy where a dog is sleeping on the floor

A friend invites you to a classy restaurant and you order fried rice

You wai spirit shrines because you're afraid of offending the resident ghost

You stop dreaming about going to Burger King

Your family stops asking you when are you coming back